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VANTASTIC - The story of a P100 pickup truck, as told by Marion Coy
Let me open by saying that I hope that you all had a good Christmas and I wish you a happy new year especially the ladies out there, because, let's face it girls we deserve it if only for putting up with the men in our lives. Especially if yours is anything like mine.
To some of you the title will be familiar that's because I did use it in an article in the May 2006 magazine when the skip first appeared because I was so amazed that I had fallen for it again I felt I had to tell someone and you were available. However the club has gained a few new members since then, and they are most welcome. We need all the support we can get, so for their benefit and those of you who have trouble keeping track of his fleet, and that includes me and I see them every day, a recap of the state of play:
In March 2006.the fleet consisted of the Humber Super Snipe, the Rover 2000, and my Mini (the only one worth having) and you may remember we had (my two daughters and I) a plan in place for him to ditch the Humber and put his efforts into the Rover. But it had to be his idea and it worked - he decided that he would let the Humber go and concentrate on the Rover. We were surprised by how easy it was but what we didn't know that he was already planning its replacement. April saw the departure of the Humber and we were still celebrating this victory for girl power and common sense (which is the same thing) and admiring the space on the drive when he filled it with the skip.
The skip's Sunday name is Ford P100 pick-up truck but around the time it joined the fleet our youngest daughter had had a new bath room suite fitted. When she told me how much it would cost to hire a skip big enough to take the old one away, I said “you don't need to hire a skip, your father's got one. I'll send him up with it” and the name stuck hence it is now THE SKIP. The skip is quite novel in that he did drive it home, something that doesn't happen with many of his projects. It also has an MOT and even boasts road tax but before you send for the men in white coats let me assure you it is still a typical Norman-mobile. In that it needs not so much a garage as a kennel it even has a collar and lead it's that much of a dog. But when I pointed this out he said it was basically sound, (oh no not another) it just needs a bit of tidying up. Most of you will by now have seen his latest toy but for those whom this treat is still to come the skip looks as though it started life as a car and changed it's mind half-way through and decided to be a commercial. From the front to just behind the front seats it's a Ford Sierra after that comes the truck bit. Before we go any further this is not a conversion, it is a Ford produced vehicle (built in South Africa – Ed) and whilst it may seem a bit modern to be a classic I can only quote himself and say that sometimes you have to get vehicles when they are available. If you were to wait until they come to a suitable age there is a good chance they will no longer exist plus commercial vehicles lead a harder life than cars and so end up in the crusher earlier. So why a pick-up in the first place, and why a Sierra based one in particular? Well the pick-up is typical of the vehicles that were the garage hack when he was working, he repaired trucks and buses, and I have seen many variants outside the house all looking very similar apart from the front bit. Secondly the Sierra-based one is the last of the car derived pick-ups, time was that every major manufacturer made one Austin A40, A55, A70, Commer based on the Hillman Minx, Morris Minor and Oxford, Standard 10 and Vanguard are just a few. And even earlier P100's were based on the mark5 Cortina and as this is an ‘E' registered one it will be one of the first Sierra based ones (Albert Beaumont has a ‘D' reg Cortina based one so he could be right) not only that he prefers the appearance of the Sierra as a pick-up over that of the Cortina based ones.
Well I am running out of space and as I have covered what it is and why he was attracted to it I will leave you there and next time tell you of the state it was in and start on the progress of the minor tidying up jobs until next time!! --------------------------
Having covered what it is and why he was attracted to it we will now move on to the interesting bit - the state it was in. The skip is basically blue, three shades to be exact, with a sprinkling of brown patches (rust) mainly below the rubber strip along the sides. The bottom two inches of the passenger side door is a mass of scabs and blisters with rust showing through where the paint has fallen off. Bad as this is the driver's door makes it look good as here the bottom two inches of the outer skin is missing, I did ask if it was part of the forced air ventilation system but his reply was unprintable so I took it to be a no, the n/s corner of the front bumper looks as if it came second in a dispute over right of way with a gatepost and has been repaired (if that's the word) with black duct tape. I did ask if this was a period repair and was duct tape around in the eighties? His reply was similar to my query about the driver's door again so I took it as a no. It does, however, have its good points. The cab, the bit you sit in, is quite tidy, the seats, door cards, carpets etc are in good condition although a session with soap and water would improve matters (in the case of the carpets you could make a start with a shovel) so as you will appreciate a highly desirable vehicle needing only cosmetic restoration. Does this sound familiar to you?
I am assured by my tame expert that he has, of course, taken into account the bumper and doors and, in fact, they were one of the reasons he bought this particular example. He used them as a bargaining point and secured a hefty reduction in the asking price. (This could well be true he rarely pays the asking price as it's against his religion) and he also knows where he can lay hands on replacements. This has Featherstone's Arthur Daley written all over it. I am going to have to take Millard by the throat and stop him encouraging the idiot, I shudder to think what they will come up with between them if they are left alone. So on to the “light cosmetic restoration”. This is not going to take long - in a few weeks you won't recognise it (oh good it's going to the crusher) no, be fair I have faith, I believe him, I also believe that Santa Claus has eloped with the Tooth Fairy in a carriage pulled by the Easter Bunny. I have been here before. The last few weeks' project took over two years. The first job is to tidy up the truck bit, I don't propose to go into detail you've heard it before, the grinding, the filling, the sanding etc so in a week the bottom of the body below the rubbing strip is in primer. A search in Aladdin's cave (aka the shed) produces an aerosol of blue paint that he bought for the little Wolseley, remember that? It's the wrong shade but with three shades on it already who's to know which is right and it does look better than the rust and the Skip is now up to four shades. Next is the tailboard, note the technical terms, this is the bit across the back and hinges down level with the body floor but in this case the stays that hold it level are no longer attached to the tailboard so it falls down and hits the towing ball. But half a day of drilling, cutting and re-tapping, plus of course the swearing, sees new bolts fitted and behold the tailboard now holds its proper position. We have progress!
He now reveals the master plan, he intends to take it on the St. Georges run to Elsecar. Now I have found the Traditional Car Club people to be a nice crowd. I don't know what they have done to upset him but he is determined to inflict the skip on their event in retaliation complete with tatty doors and bumper. Around now he has one of his more sensible ideas, they're rare but he does get them. The spare wheel on the skip lives under the back and to remove it you have to wind it down from underneath and the hard shoulder on the M1 in the rain is not the place to find out that you cannot get the spare wheel off. So he involves himself in freeing off the screw and whilst he is about it checking the pressure in the tyre all seems to be well. So the Skip is ready for its first public outing. The day before the event he finds that the near side rear indicator isn't working and it's not a bulb or anything simple, I put it down to the Skip having more taste than him and not wanting to appear in public in its present state… but he goes anyway, after all he knows he's turning left so why the indicator? So the Skip has made its first public appearance to a resounding silence from a less than adoring public. More next month.
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Following its first public appearance at the end of April he then proves that he cannot be shamed by taking it to the White Rose event in Dewsbury in May. This is just over a mile from home and there is a good chance of people I know being there and I might have to admit to some involvement with the thing. But they did have the sense to have him park it round the corner from the main event so that they, and I, could disown it
The successful, from his point of view, attending of two events spurs him on to tidying the cab and as I suspected it involves a trip to Featherstone and the local version of Arthur Daley. And as he has a brother living in Normanton that we visit I am talked into riding in the skip so as to kill two birds with the one stone. At Featherstone the skip easily swallows two doors, a front bumper and a Chevette engine that he bought about two months ago and robbed for parts to fix our daughter's car. But left there rather than put the dirty lump in the back of the car and I start to realise that this heap has its advantages. As I told you in part one it had already made a trip to the tip with a scrap bathroom suite but I was not with him when he did it. So this is my first experience of the skip doing what it was built to do but I seem to be losing the thread so back to the “cosmetic restoration”.
Changing the front bumper proves to be relatively painless and having removed it he takes the time to clean the area behind it with a wire brush and apply a coat of underseal before fitting the replacement. Next up is changing the driver's door, now it seems that I have been a very good girl and as a reward I am to be allowed to help (see I told you he was good to me). Also it seems I have a talent for this as proved on the Landrover, we must have had the doors on and off that four or five times, and on the basis of that then yes I can do doors. On the Landrover the hinges are on the outside of the doors and so are accessible plus the door tops (the bit with the glass in) are removable and what is left is not very heavy. This is a different ball game - there is no sign of the hinges and the door is in one piece and helping to lift them out of the skip proves that they are not light. I am thinking that if I were to drop one, by accident of course, and the window broke if it would cancel my ‘reward', as I can see loads of fun coming up and it could easily end in the famous deaf and dumb lunch. But as it happens it is into the afternoon before the door is off the problem being that the hinges are welded to the door frame and bolted to the inside of the ‘A' post (remember them?) or door frame and to get at them you need to remove a plastic trim panel. But it fits under the trim on top of the inner sill and to get this off you also need to remove the draught rubber from round the door frame so it takes over half an hour before he can even see the bolts holding the hinges. Of course the top ones are awkward to get to and the steering wheel and seat are in the way and his language is rapidly deteriorating (and I'm really glad I didn't drop my end of the door). Finally I am summoned to the presence we (what's with this ‘we' business? I don't remember any ‘we' when he bought the thing) we are now ready to remove the door (oh goody-goody I've been waiting all morning for this).
My involvement is, as expected, to support the door whilst he removes the last two bolts and to assist in lifting the replacement into position and supporting it whilst he gets the bolts back in and I was right after holding it up for a while the door is bl***y heavy. Now you would think that my part in it was over now the door is fastened to the vehicle but no it's only just beginning the door is to line up it has to open and close and has to fit correctly into the frame. I spent the next half hour raising and lowering the door whilst he attempts to get the lock to line up with the striker plate and a further twenty minutes pushing and pulling at it to try and get the gap round the door even all the way round. This proves to be impossible and eventually he admits defeat and lines it up with the ‘B' post (the back one) then the top and bottom and the problem is revealed. It seems the skip has had a new wing fitted at some point in its history and whoever fitted it not realising the thing would be elevated to classic status has not taken the trouble to line it up exactly. So ‘we' have to settle for the best it will fit without the door catching the wing. So that's the bumper and one door changed and I am assured the n/s door will not be as difficult but I've heard it all before.
Was I right? I'll tell you next time…
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After changing the door he finds that it will not lock, fortunately before he refits the door trim. Even so this, as you can imagine, fills him with great joy in fact he has not been as happy since he last had toothache. He had, of course changed the locking barrel (the part you put the key in to lock the door) as he did not have a key to fit the one in the new door and whilst it looked the same as what came out it will not work in the new door. After the best part of an hour the problem is resolved - it seems that the old door worked with a system of rods the new one works with cables so the solution is to change the over the mechanism from the old door. Not a major job but enough to cause mutterings about meddling with things that work and why can't they leave them alone. With the door on and all the trim and mirror refitted we now have a definite improvement in that the door bottom now meets the sill and the good news is it's even blue. The bad news it's metallic and a different shade which brings the skip up to five shades and the rubber strip is a different shape and the stripe is grey rather than red - but these are minor details and it's only nit-picking to point them out, I obviously am not seeing the big picture, I know what I'm seeing and picture is not what comes to mind unless nightmares come in colour.
I got ahead of myself last month being keen to get on to the door fitting so to recap, you may remember that when he went to Elsecar the n/s rear indicator was not working? Well the fault turns out to be a broken wire at the back where there are four multi-plug sockets. Having fixed this (by bypassing the offending one) and after fitting the door he decides to sort out the rear wiring including the trailer socket as he plans to tow the club caravan with the skip and it only has the one socket - which means that if he connects the lighting board to it the rear fog lights would be permanently lit as the live wire on the old system is now the rear fog lights. As it happens there would not have been a problem as the skip hasn't got a live feed to the trailer plug neither has it got a warning buzzer for the trailer indicators, what prompts this is the sight of scotch-locks! He hates scotch-locks claims they are for fools and bodgers and using them is asking for problems later. He has a new socket in stock but buys another to go with it, this in a rather nice two tone black and grey, and a suitable warning buzzer and installing these keeps him busy for most of the day and whilst he has his electrician's head on changes the reversing light switch on the gearbox. So with the light board connected the thing gives a fair imitation of a Christmas tree with sound effects but he seems happy with it. So with the electrics sorted now it's back to the n/s door I go sick around this time but as I am unable to produce a doctors note he ignores it and lets me help anyway so there is nothing else for it. I am on door fitting duty.
When he brings the replacement door out of hiding I notice that the mirror is the same colour as the door rather than black like the ones on the skip and though I really should know better I have to ask if it would not look better with the colour coded mirrors rather the black? I get the sort of look you would give a three year old who has messed up with its potty training and I can feel a lecture coming on. Sure enough he explains in a tone that makes you want to silence with a smack in the mouth that only the later cars got the colour coded mirrors, the commercial variants made do with black in the same way that the cars got radio cassette players the commercials only had a radio. I really must learn to keep my mouth shut but I have to push my luck and say that I hope this is not as bad a job as the other one and for my pains am informed that seeing as there is no steering wheel on this side and the glove box should come out there will be more room and so the job will not only be easier but quicker and as the n/s wing looks to be original lining up the door will not be the problem the other side was so we should have it done in half the time it took to change the other.
Well is he right? Am I being my usual pessimistic self? All will be revealed next month
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Hello again, as you may remember from last month ‘we' (there's that word again there's no we about it I would be quite happy not to be involved with the thing at all), we were all set to change the n/s door and it's all going to be much simpler than the o/s but I have heard it all before so am quietly pessimistic, with the emphasis on quietly, as I am trying to learn to keep my mouth shut.
So following established procedure (which is posh speak for him thinking he knows what he's doing) he removes the mirror, trim, speakers etc from both doors and then attacks the trim panels in the cab that he needs to remove so as to gain access to the bolts holding the hinges. And all is going well, I'm impressed, and amazed this can't last, with just the panel covering the hinge bolts to remove it's time to take out the glove box, remember what this is going to give us? There's another of those strange words that means I can get blamed for something, give us much more space and make the job so much easier. This is when the brown stuff falls into the air conditioning unit. Yup! The glove box doesn't come out at least not without removing the facia panel and lord knows what else so I leave him doing a sort of war dance on the drive and go make a cup of tea whilst he calms down.
After a suitable interval I attempt to sooth our hero's ego with a pot of tea and a chocolate biscuit and it seems to work so after being fortified with tea and biscuits we (again) are ready to attempt the n/s door. With the glove box still in place the job is much more difficult than expected, surprise, surprise I knew it wouldn't work but who listens to me? What do I know? I'm only a woman after all, but after much struggling and swearing the bolts are removed from the top hinge. Step forward super woman it's time to heave the door away from the cab, I'm good at this apparently. So the door is now off but that is, of course, the easy bit. We!! have now got the problem of fitting the replacement. The theory is quite simple, reminds me of someone, all we (again) have to do is lift the door and slide the hinges through the slots in the door pillar and put the bolts through and line it up with the wing, top and bottom of the cab and the rear pillar and it's done. This takes an hour and a half, makes you glad it wasn't going to be difficult, my contribution to this is to lift, pull, push and lower on command and if it doesn't fit first time it's my fault, is this why I got married I ask myself? And when my mother explained the pitfalls of marriage I don't remember any mention of cab door fitting perhaps she lead a sheltered life or she trained my father better than I have managed with himself. But the door is on we have progress and it's even blue but not a shade that is already present so the skip is now up to six shades but hey who's counting? (Me now you mention it).
A few days after this I manage to drag him into a DIY store, he knows about DIY if I want anything doing round the house it's do it yourself, and whilst he is wandering round the aisle he finds some aerosols reduced to clear and there is a shade of blue close to the main colour of the skip so he invests in three and two of undercoat, so you can see how cheap they were, and the next fine day he paints the doors. Now as a painter he, shall we say, leaves a lot to be desired and as any painter will tell you, you get out what you put in and cheap paint in means crap job out so as you will have worked out the paint job's a mess but at least it reduces the number of shades of blue. He excuses it by saying that all he intended was to get rid of some of the shades of blue and that now that it is mostly one colour it looks better and the master plan is to repaint it at a later date.
I have been speaking with Jan and if I can sneak them out I may try to produce a page of pictures of the skip at various stages of its progress (I use the term loosely) for next month so that will really give you something to look forward to if not you will have to put up with my ramblings until I can sneak them past himself.
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